We're Evolving!

Its weird, but I just want to talk about   evolution    for a second here if I might.

I don't -- but when I see people say evolution isn't real, I want to tell them, like, open my mouth and  let them know that they are mistaken. Not because I think that they are stupid, but more from the childish part of me that is saying “I know something that you don't!”, because I have, first hand, seen evolution with my very eyes.

The reason I know evolution exists is because one day, a responsible adult in my life took me to a thing called a museum. In this museum, I saw with my own two eyes, an ancient, medieval, real-as-shit, suit of armor. Like King Arthur, oh my god, this is stuff that knights wore, and my little brain probably exploded with wonder. And while I gawked and pondered, someone close by asked a good question.

“Uhhhh, why's it so short?”

Holy poop. He was right. That suit of armor was like, maybe five foot tall at best.

A keen adult then told us, very matter-of-factly, “that's because people didn't grow nearly as tall as back in the medieval times.” Okay, that makes sense. Why? I don't know, changes in diet maybe, who fucking cares? The proof is right there in front of me. Its a suit of armor that's about 500 years old, and its clearly made for a short person.

BOOM. Evolution! It's right, fucking there, evolution means change. We we're once short, now we are tall. That is change. Evolution. Done-zo. This discussion is over.

Okay, but monkeys?

Of course it's not over. Because a clever man might say “whoa whoa whoa, just because we got taller in 500 years does NOT mean people came from monkeys.

Ahhhh. Quid pro quo.

I mean you've got a point, clever man, the monkeys thing is quite a leap. But first of all I didn't say we came from monkeys, I said that I know evolution is real. Species evolution means change in species. We are a species and we have changed.

But since you asked, clever man, I will get to the monkeys thing, but first, we need to talk about how old the earth is. The bible, according to many people, has estimates that the earth is as young as 6000 years old. Modern science seems to put the age a bit closer to 6,000,000,000,000 years old. Let's throw out both those numbers and say that we have no fucking idea, because lets face, both you and I are just going off what we heard from our friends, right?

But we can agree that Earth is old, way fucking old. Older than we can really imagine. We've only been reliably keeping track since Ancient Mesopatamia, so, about 5000 years ago. (3000 BC), and we can all agree that it is as least older than that.


What we know...
 

1. Human beings are changing. We were once shorter than we are now.

2. That height change took place in about 400 years.

3. The human species is over 5000 years old.

Now seriously, this is important, I want you to go online and look up Australopithecus sediba. Find a picture of it's skull – it looks a lot like this one!

Now compare it to a human skull.

Wow! They sure look similar! They clearly aren't the same, if you'll notice. Look at the eyebrows, how they protrude on the top skull, but not on the bottom? Look at the nose. Look at the upper lip.

HOW ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT ONE DIDN'T COME FROM THE OTHER ONE? Seriously, how are you going to say that? Knowing that the Earth is old, and knowing that the species does in fact change... How are you going to look at these two skulls and say that one didn't come from the other?

When we find 500 year old skeletons, they're shorter than modern skeletons. So by logical conclusion, we should be stumbling across some skeletons that are both much older, much shorter, and look even more different, AND SON OF BITCH, WE FOUND EM! Deus ex machina! Or whatever, I don't really understand Latin.

So let's just take all of the skulls that we have found, and let's pretend that science is stupid, and carbon dating doesn't work, and we have no idea how old any of them are. If we just put the ones that look alike next to each other, maybe we can see some sort of pattern?

HO MY GOD, ITS ALL THERE. The change in teeth! The shrinking eyebrow bone! The upper jaw! The increased cranial capacity and thickness! It's all fucking there. Patterns! Logic! It works!

Are there any questions? Please, if you still aren't convinced that human evolution is real, please tell me what you know that I don't.