we are a far cry away from posting once a day.

I work at Clear Rate now. I am dating Jamie and it has been 3 years.

I have been drinking tonight and this is the constant string. I am happy. I honestly like my day to day life as much as I ever have. If i speak about this in callous terms it is because that I know how fortunate I am. That there is so much suffering and misery in the world that I am so fortunate not to have endless pain or misery. I like my life. A lot.

I think that some things were put on hold while I settled into a relationship. I think that if Jamie wasn't here I would get more work done no doubt, but I think that its a good long term play, and so far I have been good at those.

College worked out in the sense that I have a comfortable 50+ K a year job . I think that I have most of my friends and family intact. That I have people to rely on. I am popular.

I have been listening to this WWI podcast by Dan Carlin called Blue Print for Armageddon (amongst a lot of good fantasy novels)

About Jamie. He doesn't have things to do yet outside of me. Thats a worry. Because, ok, I shouldn't say that. He has a lot of school work and I am so god damn proud of him for that. He really makes me a believer in the things he believes. I believe in labor and the ability of the man who goes to work everyday to be able to meet together and make huge influences on the world. I believe that when the people alive actually do the work, they should be the ones who have a major say in how things are run. He made me believe in labor unions, and for that I owe him.

He of course needs someone on this side of the state who can be there for him besides me. Its hard. He and I both know that we are stronger than this. Maybe I can provide that for him. I can get him in touch with someone who isn't me that can move him and obsess him. He and I want the same thing. We want to be meaningful and important, and we also want to feel good. We make each other feel good, but over here on the east side, I am the only thing that makes him feel this good. He deserves to feel good outside of me. That will free me up to devote time to other passions and will give him another quality to his new life out here. He deserves that. I think now that i write this I can make it a priority.

Also, I have decided that I will buy a house. Soon. It scares me to talk about it because I am nervous that I will fail, but it is important to me. There is this 15000 dollar grant that just came out for new homeowners. I will take advantage of this. I need to. The clock is ticking. I cannot drop this ball. The opportunity is too good.

Another thing. I want kids. Jamie is a great partner for kids. He will be the best father. Having kids... if you are in my age group right now, is not popular. People talk all the time about how much of a burden they are. They are fools. They will regret the way they talk, to be honest. I get that there is a change is social guard and the new found respect for young independence is there, but this isn't a great war. These people are avoiding having children, I think, because they feel that either they or the the world is not good enough to believe in children.

And that's what you have to do with kids. You have to buy into it. You have to believe. In the age where war disease death and famine were real, it was easier. It was easy to love something that was age 6 to 26. It was healthy and beautiful.

Now we see responsibility that we are not yet ready to handle. We see how important it is to raise young people correctly. We see how easy it is to ruin a young life and we don't want to make a mistake. This is admirable in a lot of ways. I think it is why a lot of my peers are scared of kids. I am not though. Jamie and I can be the best team of dads. We are going to pass on what we know. We are going to raise young people smarter and better than the both of us combined. They are going to love deeper, know more, work harder, and have more fulfilling, exciting experiences than Jamie and I will ever know. They will be peaceful and helpful. And that is what I want to give to the world. I want to give peaceful, stable, unselfish humans to the next generation. I want to give people who can work harder than I can, and who can see the world as the rock in space that - with proper planning, can sustain 20 billion lives in peace and harmony, and we can set out sights on the stars and spread peace and hemogony to a chaotic galaxy.

Love you blog.